A little bit of complaining….

When I was a teenager I was diagnosed with neurological problem that affects my eye sight. I am unable to focus. I have severe headaches when I get to tired, I don’t have a very good side view, and I can’t seem to look people straight in the eyes. It has no cure not treatment. What it can be done is train yourself to focus what you can and live a normal life.

Besides the headaches, tiredness and difficulties driving, It doesn’t bother me much. I can’t abide places where there are a lot of people and artificial lights bug me. But apart from that I’m fine. I’m used to it.

Two years ago, I got worse. I was having regular headaches and was really difficult to act normally at work and at home. My boyfriend insisted that I went to the doctor, but I was very reluctant. I already knew that nothing could be done and that I should find a job where I wouldn’t spend all day in front of a computer.

Nevertheless I went. And something changed. This doctor said that I could wear glasses for the astigmatism that I already knew I had. All of the other doctors that I had gone, said that I couldn’t wear glasses because It would affect the other issue, and also the lens would have to be changed much too often. But this one was different. He said that I should wear whenever I was in front of a screen.

And my life changed a little. I was now able to see things more clearly and I would not get a constant headache at the end of the day. I could stop taking daily painkillers. It was great!

Two months ago, I started to feel headaches again and realized that I was making an effort to see things, even with my glasses on. So I schedule a doctor’s appointment. I probably just needed to replace my lenses.

This Monday I went there. It turns out that I have yet another eye problem that is neither curable nor treatable. Just manageable with exercises. According to the doctor, the exercises were actually similar to the ones I had done as a teenager, so I didn’t need to do them. Just if I was really feeling bad. My lenses were fine and didn’t need to be changed.

I left like crap and I spent the rest of the day moody. When I got home I just went to bed.

It’s not that this problem is extremely serious nor anything like that. It’s just that I thought that I would have another revelation like the one that I had 2 years ago and that it would help my day-to-day life. When I received this news, I just felt tired. I just wanted to have something to help me. I didn’t care if it were enormous glasses, I really didn’t.

I hear older people complaining because they have to wear some shitty glasses and I get extremely angry. At least they can wear glasses and feel better. I wish I could wear them. But nooooooooo, what I have to do is to rest a lot, try not to use my sight (?!) that much and work on something that doesn’t involve computers. RIGHT! That’s easy!

Today I feel better. It’s not all bad. I can work with this. It’s fine. Sometimes I just need a day to realize that I’m actually ok.

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