The Thief of Joy

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I feel like this quote reflects exactly how I am. I think my biggest flaw is always comparing everything I do and how I live to others.

Every time I do this, I end up feeling down. In my mind, I would be totally happy if…… (add here whatever you want. Everything goes.).

This thinking always prevents me from doing something that I want to do. For example, I always thought of writing. But every time I read something I think ‘Come on! You’ll never be able to write something like that! Stick with the things you can really do!’

And probably I won’t be any good at writing, but the point is I never tried. I always compare myself to others and end up getting the short straw. What I should think is that, even though I could never be exactly like the person I am comparing myself to, it’s fine to be me.

I always thought of myself as realistic, but maybe I’m really a pessimist.

These are the things that I need to write on my blackboard several times, just like Bart Simpson:

  • My daughter is beautiful in every way.
  • I have a lovely partner, who I sometimes don’t give enough credit.
  • I have a tiring but sweet dog.
  • I’m healthy.
  • My family gets along well with each other, as much as possible. And are always there to help anyone in need.
  • I have a nice apartment, even though it’s not a house with a garden.
  • I have a job that pays more than the bills, and even if I don’t really like it, it does the trick while I look for something else.
  • I have nice colleagues at work that are becoming my friends.
  • I have nice and cool friends.
  • I have days that I’m feeling down and hate everything, but most of all I’m happy.

 

  • I’m happy I’m happy I’m happy.

Kindly Stop Stalking me

In response to Daily Post “Secret Admirers

You return home to discover a huge flower bouquet waiting for you, no card attached. Who is it from — and why did they send it to you?

I’ve had my shares of secret admirer back in my time. They were more on the stalker side than the admiring actually.

I’ve had a man who “admired me” for several years leaving me poems, roses and displays of great love wherever I went. When I refused or asked for him not to do those things, he’d become rude and violent.

I’ve had one that used to stalk me by car. Wherever I would be, there he was, in his green car. One time he left me a love letter stating that I was a flower in his garden or something like that.

I had another one that used to call me at my parents’ landline and used to ask what I was wearing.

In a nutshell, if I discover a flower bouquet that wasn’t sent by my boyfriend, I would burn it without hesitance. I don’t care who sent it or where it came from. Please leave me alone.

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Autumn Leaves

The hardest part of loving someone is having to face the possibility of a life without them. Sometimes I think it’s better to live alone, never letting anyone get closer. You’ll live a peaceful, calm life. Some say it might be hollow, but what do they know. You’ll have your little joys and small adventures. You’ll depend entirely on you.

You won’t learn what it is to try to find your lover feet under the covers on a cold night. You won’t enjoy the quiet resting of your head on someone’s shoulder after an exhausting day.

You won’t know the exciting joy that a three-letter word – Mum – pronounced by a small child can give. You won’t hold your child’s hands on yours wishing that she would never let go.

You won’t lie awake and think of what might happen to the people you love. You won’t want to freeze time just to make sure everything stays exactly the same.

Love is in the small things you share with someone. Love is what connects us. Love is why life is worth living.

Sometimes, Love is unbearable.

Try a little tenderness

The older I get, the less patience I have with some people.

I always thought that it would be the opposite. The older I would get the wiser I would become. And I would just shrug my shoulders and say whatever, with a small fake smile stuck to my face.

My reality today is that I just lose my patience whenever I see people with nasty attitudes. This doesn’t mean that I get into fights with them. I just scratch them out of my list of people who interest me, and move on. If they rub me the wrong way, I just ignore them from thereafter. I remain polite and respectful. But just don’t want to have anything to do with that person anymore. It’s like I have a Donald Trump sitting on my shoulders, and whenever someone is plain stupid to me, Trump gets ups and yells “You’re fired!”.

I just scratched a new name on the other day. We used to get along fine. Always joking around. And then she just yelled at me for no reason whatsoever….well I was probably being too annoying that early in the morning. But this is something that we always did to each other. She could just tell me to bugger off, as usual. I understand that she might be having a bad day or I was just too much for her. I’m used to bad temper. I have bad temper as well. But usually, after hitting someone without any reason, I try to apologize. She didn’t. She just stopped talking to me and since we work together, she has been really nasty to me work wise. When I was young I would dwell on what I had done that could justify this attitude and probably apologize for something that I didn’t know, just for that person to speak with me again. Now, she’s scratched for my list. And that’s that. No apologies and acting nasty. So why should I waste my time? I cannot trust her anymore.

This is getting to a point that I no longer have a list; I have a whole notebook scratched.

There is something that never leaves my mind, which is:

If everyone around you is crazy, you might be the crazy one.

Probably that is the problem. ME.

More of me

In reponse to Daily Post “FAQ

So I’ve decided to interview myself (Yes, I’m that self-centered)

Facts about me:

  • I’m afraid of machines and robots. Even the exams machines at the hospital. I think Robocop was my nightmare movie.
  • I get upset when people talk about Madonna and bullfights. Two subjects that have nothing to do with each other, but they both get me pissed.
  • I think heterosexuality, homosexuality, pansexuality and everything that ends with -sexuality are only made up things by man. We are made to love (or hate) our peers, man or women. Then we are educated to think a certain way and we also have our own particular likes and dislikes.
  • I get extremely annoying when I am sleepy. It even bothers me.
  • I’m afraid to open the little flush thingy from the toilet. I get scared to see the water in there.
  • I get in a crazy killer mode when I am driving!
  • I’m always singing at work…ALWAYS! Usually Christmas carols. It dries my co-workers crazy!

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Smile and Wave

I’m not sure why I get upset with some attitudes that my boyfriend has at work. It has nothing to do with me; I understand why he is doing it and the reason why he is so fed up. But every time he behaves like a stubborn kid, I get upset and try to make him snap out of it.

I’m not sure why I do this. I only end up being mad at him, and probably him at me, because it seems that I don’t sympathize with him. I do, but I can’t say “Yes Love” just because that’s what he needs to hear at the moment. I try to make him realize that even if I do understand his reasons to be angry at something or someone, it doesn’t make it alright to behave a certain way.

I always do this, not only with my boyfriend. I get upset when people are saying things that are unfair or just plain stupid.

I have a work colleague that her daily task is to complain about how our work is like slavery. She goes on and on about how she works a lot every day and she doesn’t get enough credit and that slavery is illegal. Really?! I get upset just by repeating this. We get paid always on time, and we earn more than what they usually pay in Bank back office in our country. We don’t do overtime, and if we do, we are always paid with money and extra days. We have the right to more holidays than the law states. We don’t have a lot of work, even if she says otherwise. If she has the time to shop online during her work time, she has free time.

So why does she keep on repeating this stupid unfair thing? Does she actually know what slavery is? I don’t. I have an idea and it sure has hell has nothing to do with this! But why do I care? Why do I fight her and we get into arguments because of this comments?

It gets tiring for me and probably for the other person as well. Why do I do this? Why can’t I just relax and leave people with their own opinion about stuff, even if I don’t agree and I know that I am right.

When it comes to my boyfriend I know why I do it. I love him and I think he is a good person. I don’t like it when he has a bad attitude with others, even if they are justified and if others are doing it to him. He shouldn’t repay in the same way, He is better than that. So I try to make him see that he is better than that. Because I care. That’s the reason.

With others…why do I get upset with this? I don’t really care about people who have those kind of opinions. I should just take it easy, relax and just realize that people have different opinions.

Accept this and live and let live. That should be my motto….right?

smile and wave