Imagine

This weekend I can’t seem to think of anything else than the attacks in Paris.

And it’s unfair that this is the one that sticks with me, that makes me care a huge deal.

We no longer are collateral damage, we are the targets in itself. It’s scary and I’m scared. And there is really no way to stop this. It’s out of our hands, But we no longer can remain blind and deaf as we did when it was far far away in a culture totally different from ours. We saw them as numbers. The attacks were terrible, but they were numbers, no real people.

It’s horrible to get so dehumanized. It’s horrible that it takes an attack this awful to wake us up. Are we really awaken, by the way?

People are acting like they are full of rightousness. They are actually full of hate.

I’m scared for the future that we are leaving to our children. I’m scared of everything right now. I am scared of travelling by plane, using the metro, going to concerts or just have dinner out, working on my office in the middle of the city.It doesn’t really matter how you choose to live your life or your beliefs. Because now we’re targets. and there is nothing that we can do or say about that.

Imagine there’s no heaven
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today…

Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace…

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world…

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will live as one

I’m sorry for the rambling. I’m really shocked. I’ve just heard that the mother of one of the terrorits was Portuguese. I don’t know why, but it makes me feel dirty. Don’t know why really.

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

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When the tantrum is on me

How to ruin a perfectly good day in 5 steps:

  • When you boyfriend gets home, instead of receiving him with a smile, give him a list of tasks to do, because you just want to do other stuff.
  • Complain that he is not following the tasks by the order that I gave him.
  • Yell at him when he is not stirring the food correctly. Even more when he is a gown up man who is perfectly capable of cooking…actually better than me.
  • Yell at my daughter when she starts a really small tantrum at bedtime.
  •  Then proceed to yell at my boyfriend because he is the reason our kid is doing that tantrum

That pretty much does it. I feel like crap.

Better Luck Next Time

I want to change my job. I’m sure it’s the first time that you’ve heard this from me, since I only mentioned this briefly before and not in 3 or 4 posts already.

eye roll

Anyway, I can say that I’m pretty experience on job interviews by now. I’ve been looking for a job for about a year and I’ve been called several times. And since I’m still in the exact same place, I can also say that I’ve been rejected numerous times.

Here are some tips on how to go on the same road as I did:

  • Assume that you know where your interview is and don’t bother to look at the address. Then arrive there just in time to realize that there are actually two buildings from the same company on the same area and you are in the incorrect one.
  • Wear really high heels when you know that you have to walk a while to get to the interview. Then go limping all the way to the meeting room and take your shoes off under the desk.
  • Repeat several times the exact same thing because you couldn’t remember anything else to say. Just keep on repeating.
  • When questioned on how long it would take to speak properly a language you haven’t spoken in 10 years, instead of lying and say that it will be fast since you used to be fluent, tell the truth and say it will take you months of intensive training.
  • State in the interview that as a matter of fact you want to be the boss.
  • When asked if you ever managed P&L, answer “no” without any further explanation.
  • Forget how to use English.

I know that these things are not that bad. When I was in the recruiter role, I actually had stranger people who did amazing things. But my behavior on these interviews must actually explain why I was still in this obnoxious and tedious work.

But I’m not all that bad. I’ve had two interviews where the recruiter was actually worse that I was.

On one I had a French recruiter (I don’t speak French, even though I understand), who was in an English department based in Portugal. Even though the interview was supposed to be in English, she barely spoke the language, so in the same sentence she would have the beginning in English, then swapping to Portuguese and ending in her mother language French. Every time I needed to answer one question, I had to think in which language I should answer. Just to be funny I should have answered back in German and then say “Do you like it?! Do you like it?! No?! So chose a language woman! And stick with it!”

The other one, the recruiter didn’t even know the position that I had applied to, and started off by stating the wrong one. I corrected her. Then realized that I had just sealed my faith on that company. I shouldn’t have corrected her.

She never confessed that she had been wrong, but the whole interview was filled with questions for a position that I was applying. Strange questions, by the way. Never once was my CV discussed. I was the one who tried to direct the conversation there. She was like “If you were a unicorn what you would do first?”, in a strange English that I could barely understand. There was a question about an airplane and a garage that I didn’t understand. Why would you keep an airplane on a garage?! I asked if she meant Hangar. Ops, I corrected her again.

Then she actually asked if I knew how to work with shift plans. Once again I directed her to my CV where it specifically says that for about 2 years I managed a department that worked in strange shifts, as it was a contact center. Apparently it wasn’t what she was looking for. She wanted to know if I knew how to organize a shift plan not if I worked with one…….I had to explain that when we manage a department, it really is part of our tasks to do that. So yes, I could read a shift plan, and by all means, I could organize one!

Another question was what I would do if a person from my team was constantly late. My answer was that I’d speak with that person to understand what was happening. Her doubt was if I would be doing that in front of the whole team or in private. Well, my darling, what I normally do is to pull out the belt from my pants, ask the late one to drop the pants, and then spank him in front of everyone. That’s it. Please hire me!

I was quite relieved when I was not selected for that one. I was extremely worried for the company if that is the way that they conduct interviews.

Wish me luck for the next ones……I think I seriously need it!

dilbert

My 5 Golden Rules

5 Steps that I need to follow to not go crazy everyday:

  • When I feel like speaking up, I should shut up and think twice.
  • Ask myself if some people are worth the trouble. They usually aren’t.
  • Breath in and out and remember all the good in my life.
  • Repeat several times that violence does not solve anything.
  • Always Smile and Wave. Always!

Now I just have to repeat this  100 times daily and I’ll be fine.

Letting the horse run wild

“And I’ve been fool and I’ve been blind I can never leave the past behind I can see no way, I can see no way I’m always dragging that horse around”

I’ve been wondering about the past and if it’s possible to just erase everything and start fresh. I’ve always thought that the past is what makes us what we are. It’s the bricks on our house, the foundation of our being.

But if we don’t want to “drag that horse around”. Is it possible to just get over our past?

Most of the times, I am grateful for it. Others I just want to be different and not influenced by past events.

“And I am done with my graceless heart So tonight I’m gonna cut it out and then restart”

Can I get my innocence back? I don’t like the world through the glasses I wear now…..

Music by Florence + the Machine “Shake it out”

Choices

I’ve been questioning myself in regards of work for a while now. I’ve mentioned in previous posts that I’ve changed jobs and that I hate what I do at the moment. It feels like a game to me. We deal with Millions of Millions, but we never see any money. It’s all virtual. It’s a crazy world for big players. Not for the common people, like me. I can’t seem to find a good side on this one. I deal with the banks of the rich people who want their rich business taken care of as fast as you can. I don’t even deal with clients. It’s banks talking with banks.

I feel that nothing good can come of this job and I need to feel that I’m doing something good as little as it may be.

So I to need to change. And I’ve been feeding for a while the idea of changing not only jobs but area. There are two areas that I was interested before going to university, which was Latin and Psychology. None of them is simple to find a job.

But what if I went back to university again and studied Psychology? It is something that I am most interested and it can be developed in various ways.

It’s scary to think of going back to school, with a kid, a job and already 30 years old. Sometimes I think, what for? I have a steady job and a good life. Really what for? Why change anything? Why spend 3 more years, at the minimum, studying? and then what?

And then I think….I can do better, I can be better. Shouldn’t this be what is really important?